Yo(yo), I Really Miss Fad Diets

Being a diet expert, I decided last week it was finally time to come up with my own. I love diets; I collect diet books like paperback novels. Some of my favorite diets from the past, however, didn’t come from a book and are amazingly hard to find on the internet. At any rate, this is a two-week diet that can be repeated. I’ve included all my favorite foods: hamburgers, pizza, sushi, chili, buffalo wings, and they are for the most part all you can eat!  Hopefully you like them too.  : )  If you try this and like it, let me know.

Depending on your age, activity level, and starting weight, you should lose between 10 and 20 lbs in two weeks. A maintenance guide will be in a different post.

DISCLAIMER: Do not go on this or any other diet without consulting a physician.

The Rad Fad Diet

Based on all my favorite fad diets from the ‘70s and ‘80s:

Ski Team, Scarsdale, Grapefruit, Cabbage Soup, Drinking Man’s,

with a little South Beach thrown in. (Recipes are included!)

Breakfast every day: grapefruit, eggs, one piece whole grain toast, black coffee
WEEK ONE	WEEK TWO
DAY 1 Lunch: Creamy Tomato Basil Soup (CTB),* cucumbers Dinner: steamed or broiled fish (any kind), pineapple salsa,* side salad,* Rad Fad Ranch*	DAY 1 Lunch: CTB Soup, celery Dinner: Rad Fad Buffalo Wings,* cabbage
DAY 2 Lunch: raw veggie dippers,* Rad Fad Dip* Dinner: grilled or broiled lean hamburger patties and tomatoes (equal amounts by cup)	DAY 2 Lunch: raw veggies, Rad Fad Dip Dinner: Rad Fad Pizza,* side salad, Rad Fad Ranch
DAY 3 Lunch: CTB Soup, carrots Dinner: Rad Fad Fresh Sauce,* 1 cup whole wheat pasta, parmesan cheese, cauliflower	DAY 3 Lunch: strawberry-banana smoothie Dinner: Rad Fad Chicken Strips,* spinach and boiled egg salad, Rad Fad Dressing
DAY 4 Lunch: strawberry-banana smoothie,* side salad, Rad Fad Ranch Dinner: grilled chicken, Rad Fad Dip, green beans*	DAY 4 Lunch: big salad, Rad Fad Ranch Dinner: big baked potato stuffed with Rad Fad Chili; Rad Fad Dip, broccoli
DAY 5 Lunch: big salad,* Rad Fad Ranch Dinner: Rad Fad Fat Soft Tacos,* pineapple salsa, side salad, Rad Fad Ranch	DAY 5 Lunch: CTB Soup, carrots Dinner: World’s Best all-you-can-eat shrimp cocktail,* side salad, Rad Fad Ranch
DAY 6 Lunch: CTB Soup Dinner: Rad Fad Chili,* broccoli	DAY 6 Lunch: big salad, Rad Fad Ranch Dinner: Rad Fad Chicken Peanut Stir Fry,* 1 cup brown rice
DAY 7 Lunch: big salad, Rad Fad Ranch Dinner: brown-rice sushi (no fake crab; eat equal amounts of rice and fish), 1 piece sugar-free chocolate	DAY 7 Lunch: cottage cheese salad* Dinner: grilled steak, olives, tomatoes,  goat cheese, 1 piece sugar-free chocolate

*recipes are below

THE RULES

1. Follow the diet exactly as written. Do not skip meals. Quantities are all-you-can-eat except where specified.

2. Weigh every day. Chart your weight loss.

3. Drink 8 ounces of water before every meal.

4. Grapefruit: ½ c. juice or unlimited fruit.

5. Whole grain toast: 50 calories or less per slice, high-fiber preferred.

6. All spices, sauces, and condiments must be sugar-free.

7. All meats must be lean—skinless white meat chicken only except on Week 2 Day 1 (buffalo wing night).

8. Once a week, breakfast may be replaced with the following brunch: eggs, berries, melon, light cream cheese, bacon or smoked salmon, and one piece of whole grain toast.

9. Once a week, dinner may be replaced with breakfast (but not brunch).

10. Alcohol is allowed—thank God—but every drink (1 cocktail or 6 oz. wine) must be immediately followed with 8 oz. of water:

• Pure spirits only: gin, vodka, rum, tequila, bourbon, scotch (nothing flavored)
• Dry wines and champagne (no white zinfandels, ports, or sherries)
• Limit of two low-carb beers per day
• Mixers must be sugar-free.

These are unlimited:

Tea, coffee, diet soda, Splenda, spray butter, salt (unless your doctor has restricted you), pepper, herbs, spices, curry powder, low-sugar ketchup, mustard, vinegar, Tabasco, lemon juice, sugar-free Jell-O, dill pickles, pickled ginger, wasabi, horseradish, srirachi. Use lite soy sauce only with stir fry or sushi.

DAILY NOTES

WEEK 1

Day 1: Use the freshest fish possible. Pan-fried is okay with no oil. Use seasonings liberally.

Day 2: Consuming equal amounts of beef and tomatoes is important. But eyeballing it is just fine.  : )

Day 3: Microwaved cauliflower is good, but roasting the florets at 450* really brings out the flavor.

Day 4: Experiment with chicken marinades. (Bourbon? Peppers? Tea and Splenda?) Season it up!

Day 5: Load those tortillas. It’s a welcome treat.

Day 6: Chili on top of steamed or microwaved broccoli is fantastic, if you’ve never tried it.

Day 7: If you can’t find already-made brown rice sushi, substitute plain brown rice sweetened with a sprinkle of Splenda and steamed or broiled fish. But try to use the sushi condiments (ginger, wasabi, soy).  In both instances, you must consume equal amounts of fish and rice (1 cup of rice and 1 cup of fish, for example).

WEEK 2

Day 1: Try cooking the cabbage like the green beans—it’s also melt-in-your-mouth!

Day 2: Keep a fork handy: the tortillas make a good crust, but when loaded, they’re a bit flimsy.

Day 3: Eat the chicken strips dipped in Rad Fad Dip, or slice and put on the salad. They’re good both ways.

Day 4: Get the biggest, fattest potato you can find. Microwave it for 5-7 minutes and it’s an easy-peasy supper.

Day 5: This is my favorite dinner on the diet. I love love love this sauce. Use good quality shrimp!

Day 6: Instant brown rice is fine. Try curry to spice it up; it’s also great with some Splenda and basil mixed in.

Day 7: Please, splurge on some good t-bones or a whole tenderloin, if you’re sharing. You earned it!

THE RECIPES

If some of the seasoning amounts seem over the top—they are!  This diet is designed to maximize flavor in order to reduce cravings.  Play around with the seasoning amounts to suit your taste.  After all, it’s all about you. And you sticking with this diet.

Rad Fad Creamy Tomato Basil (CTB) Soup

a.k.a.  BTC Soup (Better Than Campbell’s!)

6 c. tomato juice

2 c. low-fat cottage cheese

3 packets Splenda

2 T. dried basil or ½ c. fresh basil leaves

1 t. garlic powder

Put 2 cups tomato juice and remaining ingredients in blender and blend until smooth. Pour into large container, add remaining juice, stir, cover, and refrigerate. Heat in microwave as needed.

Pineapple Salsa

2 c. fresh or prepared salsa, no sugar added

1 c. crushed pineapple, drained

½ c. chopped green chiles

1 T sriracha (very spicy Chinese pepper sauce) (optional)

Stir together and refrigerate.

Big Salad and Side Salad

Use any of the following ingredients in any quantity, toss, and eat to your heart’s content: lettuce, spinach, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, radishes, cabbage, onions, jicama, bell peppers, cucumbers, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries

Rad Fad Ranch Dressing

1 c. olive oil

½ c. lemon juice

1 ½  c. water

1 can chickpeas, rinsed and drained

1 c. low-fat cottage cheese

2 envelopes dry Ranch dressing mix

Blend all ingredients in blender or food processor until smooth.

Rad Fad Fresh Sauce for Spaghetti

4 c. diced tomatoes, fresh or canned, with juice

1 can chickpeas, rinsed and drained

2 cloves garlic

2 T. dried basil or ½ c. fresh leaves

1 T. oregano

1 packet Splenda (optional)

salt, pepper to taste

Blend all ingredients in blender or food processor until smooth; refrigerate. Heat as needed. This is also great as pizza sauce.

Raw Veggie Dippers

Cucumbers, bell peppers, celery, radishes, tomatoes, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, jicama

Rad Fad Dip

1 large carton low-fat cottage cheese

½ c. water (more if needed)

1 envelope Ranch dressing mix

1 T. srirachi (optional)

Blend all ingredients in blender until smooth.

Rad Fad Fat Soft Tacos

2 small low-carb flour tortillas or 3 corn tortillas

1 lb. lean ground beef or turkey

½ onion, diced

1 t. taco seasoning or to taste (can substitute chili powder and salt)

1 can black beans, rinsed and drained

¼ c. sliced black olives

¼ c. cilantro, chopped (optional but highly recommended)

2 T. Rad Fad Dip

In a sauce pan, brown the beef or turkey with the onions until the onions are soft. Add seasoning and black beans and heat through, smashing some of the beans with a fork to bind the meat. Warm tortillas in microwave or on a hot griddle for 10-15 seconds. Spoon mixture onto tortilla(s), add olives, cilantro, and dip, and  fold (if you can!). Enjoy with pineapple salsa. The meat/bean portion of this can easily be doubled for freezing.

Melt-in-Your-Mouth Southern Style Green Beans

1 piece smoked bacon, chopped

1 onion, chopped

3 cans green beans or 1 lb. fresh, trimmed

salt to taste

Saute onions and bacon until onions are soft. Add canned green beans, undrained, or 5 cups of water and the fresh green beans. For fresh green beans add 1 teaspoon of salt or more. Cover and simmer for 30-45 minutes.

Strawberry-Banana Smoothie

1 ½ c. fresh strawberries

1 small banana

½ c. low-fat cottage cheese

½ c. water

3 – 5 ice cubes

2 packets Splenda or to taste

1 t. vanilla

½ t. nutmeg

Blend all ingredients in blender until smooth.

Rad Fad Chili

2 lbs. lean ground beef, ground turkey, ground chicken, or mixture

1 onion, chopped

1 bell pepper, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced or 1 T. garlic powder

2 c. sliced mushrooms

1 can black beans, rinsed and drained

1 can ranch beans, rinsed and drained

1 can chickpeas, rinsed and drained

1 can diced tomatoes with juice

1 c. water

4 T. chili powder or to taste

1 T. cumin

1 t. oregano

1 – 2 packets Splenda (optional)

2 T. srirachi (optional)

1 t. salt or to taste

Brown meat in Dutch oven. Add onions, peppers, and garlic and cook until soft.  Add remaining ingredients except Splenda, cover, and simmer 1 hour. Add Splenda and remove from heat. Can be frozen in small containers or baggies.

Rad Fad Sweet Heat Buffalo Wings

10 – 15 chicken wings

seasoning salt

½ c. olive oil

½ c. chickpeas, rinsed and drained

½ c. Louisiana hot sauce

1 t. garlic powder

2 – 3 packets Splenda (optional)

Preheat oven to 400*. Place chicken wings on baking sheet that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray. Sprinkle both sides of wings lightly with seasoning salt. Bake 25-30 minutes, or until juices run clear and chicken is no longer pink. While chicken is baking, make the sauce: blend remaining ingredients in blender until smooth. When chicken is done, remove to large bowl. Drizzle the hot wings with as much sauce as needed to coat; toss. Leftover sauce will keep in refrigerator 1-2 weeks. (Bring to room temperature and stir well before using.)

Rad Fad Chicken Strips

4 boneless chicken breasts

2 eggs

1 c. parmesan cheese, grated fine

1 c. whole wheat Italian bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 375*.  Cut the chicken breasts on the bias into four strips each and pound between two sheets of plastic wrap for uniform thickness. Whisk eggs in a bowl with wire whip. In separate bowl or pie plate, combine cheese and bread crumbs. Dip chicken strips first in eggs then in crumb mixture. Place on cookie sheet that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray. Bake 12-15 minutes, or until chicken is no longer pink. Can be frozen and reheated. Serve with Rad Fad Dip.

World’s Best All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Cocktail

4 c. water

1 T. seasoning salt such as Old Bay or Tony Cachere’s

1/3 c. lemon juice

1 t. pepper

3 packets Splenda

1-2 lbs. raw shrimp, peeled and deveined, tail-on

Combine all ingredients and refrigerate for several hours. To cook, strain brine into a pot and bring to a boil. Add shrimp and return to boil. After one or two minutes, when shrimp are pink and firm, drain and chill immediately. Serve shrimp cold or at room temperature with lemon wedges and cocktail sauce.

Cocktail Sauce

1 c. low-sugar ketchup

1/4 c. horseradish or to taste

1 T. lemon juice

1 t. Tabasco

Stir together and chill.

Rad Fad Chicken Peanut Stir-Fry

(serves 1 ginormous or 2 shrunken appetites)

2 chicken breasts

¼  c. olive or peanut oil

6 c. thinly-sliced vegetables such as cabbage, onions, bell peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots,  and mushrooms

2 T. minced ginger or 1 T. ginger (powdered)

2 garlic cloves or 1 T. garlic powder

1/2 c. peanuts

2 eggs

2 packets Splenda (optional)

1/4 c. lite soy sauce

Cut chicken into ½-inch strips. Heat a large wok or Dutch oven on high. Add 1 teaspoon of the oil, then the chicken. Cook until chicken is done, 3-5 minutes, stirring frequently. Remove chicken to large bowl. Add the rest of the oil and the vegetables, tossing to coat. Sprinkle with ginger, garlic, and peanuts. Stir and cook until vegetables are browned but still crisp, 3-5 minutes. Remove to bowl with chicken. Break eggs into pan, scramble to cook, and add to bowl. Put all ingredients back in the wok, turning to mix in eggs. Add Splenda (if using) and soy sauce. Remove from heat. Serve with brown rice, soy sauce, and Chinese mustard or wasabi.

Rad Fad Cottage Cheese Salad

1 c. low-fat cottage cheese

1 T. mayonnaise

1 ½ – 2 c. chopped radishes, green onions, tomatoes, cucumbers, and celery (any combination)

Salt and pepper to taste

Combine cottage cheese and mayonnaise. Stir in other ingredients. Serve chilled.

Rad Fad Pizza

(This is YOUR pizza. Choose your toppings. Pile on as much as the crust will hold.)

1 large or 2 small low-carb flour tortillas

cooking spray (olive oil or butter-flavored preferred)

tomato sauce or Rad Fad Fresh Sauce for Spaghetti

mozzarella cheese

parmesan cheese

turkey Italian sausage, cooked and crumbled

lean ground beef, cooked and crumbled

turkey pepperoni

Canadian bacon

chopped onions, mushrooms, bell peppers, jalapenos, basil

Preheat oven to 450*. Spray tortillas with cooking spray and bake on a cookie sheet until slightly crisp and brown, about 5-7 minutes. Top with sauce and desired toppings. Return to oven and bake until hot and cheese is melted, about 10-12 minutes.

Little Moments of Joy

I once asked a friend who worked in my building why she was so happy all the time.  You know the type–bubbly contagious laugh, always smiling, finds humor in most things.

Her straightforward answer surprised me. She said, “I have a lot of joy.”

Now, Julie wasn’t being simple. She has a master’s degree and is a full-time college instructor. I think she’d been asked this before and had given it some thought. But I had to think about her answer. Why didn’t she say, “I guess I’m just a happy person”?

Merely accepting that the world is made up of all kinds of people was too easy for me. So I asked myself: do I have Joy? Why doesn’t my Joy show like Julie’s? How can I increase my Joy?

We all get into ruts of negative thinking where we focus on all the things wrong with our lives: not enough money, too fat or too thin, family problems, etc. I think once we accept that problems in general are universal and all we can do is battle them one day at a time, we can move on to increasing our Moments of Joy. In an effort to do that personally, I’ve categorized Moments of Joy into Big and Little.

I’ve been oh-so-lucky in life in a big way. I’ve had many many Big Moments of Joy. More than my share. But because I’m a problem solver, my Big Moments of Joy in the past have been over-shadowed by what wasn’t perfect. I was sabotaging my own Big Moments of Joy by letting little problems get in the way.  Now that life has slowed down a bit (just in the last 6 months!) I’m going to re-savor those Big Moments of Joy by listing them here, and in the process hopefully release, albeit belatedly, some of that effervescence that negativity kept a cap on:

Big Moments of Joy

1. Finding my second husband on the internet. (It sounds like he was lost, but he wasn’t.) Our six months of long-distance courtship was pure heaven to me in its wonder and excitement and anticipation. All that . . .  before we ever met in person!

2. Raising two children. In spite of a short, troubled first marriage, I knew I was meant to be a mom, and I loved it. Still do. Raising children is one big, long Moment of  Joy that tends to be clouded by the problems inherent in raising a family, especially if you’re doing it alone. I’m still learning to focus on the Joy and not the problems.

3. Getting a Ph.D.  It wasn’t the piece of paper but the experience that was truly thrilling in a hard-work-has-its-just-rewards sort of way. Plus, I made life-long friends in my classes. I’d go back to grad school tomorrow if someone else was paying for it! To study what, I don’t know. 

4. Opening two restaurants. Opening the first was especially thrilling, as I not only built it from scratch physically, but the concept and menu as well.

5. Buying a house in the country. The house we’re in now has been a dream for a long, long time. I’m constantly having to pinch myself to remind me of that, like when I’m surveying rotten boards on the greenhouse that need repairing, or frowning at the stained, pink  30-year-old carpet in the master bedroom that needs replacing.  (See how the problems creep in? But I also hear birds singing outside my window, there are two fat, happy goldfish in the pond I always wanted, and two acres of old oak trees shade this old three-story house that has separate guest quarters. Serious Joy!)

Those are just the highlights. I have Little Moments of Joy as well:

1. Feeding my chickens. (Read my other posts to see the extent of this Joy.)

2. Cooking. (Ditto)

3. A fire in the fireplace. We have two fireplaces, one upstairs and one down. I was at first dismayed that they weren’t gas, and therefore would require real logs and real cleaning. Until I built the first wood fire of the winter. Oh the smell!  And the dying embers and all that rot. Pure, simple, hearth-felt joy, pardon the pun. Historical joy. How many pioneers, how many cowboys have felt that same joy?

4. Sun on my face (with little to no wind). Sorry Lubbock, you deprived me of more than a few Moments of Joy because of your blasted wind.

This list could go on and on. Obviously, most of us spend our leisure time doing things we like, but are they Joyful?  Get away from the tv and computer and actively cultivate your Little Moments of Joy.

Now for the Egg(s)

On this blog at least, the chicken came first. Now it’s the egg’s turn. I’m working on being an eggspert. I’m not just raising chickens, I’m seriously studying them–their habits, their dispositions, their pecking order. I spend quality time with them on a daily basis when weather permits. They’re  so fascinating! Plus, watching them calms me down when I’m frazzled or on a tear. My four girls and Mr. Roo really have filled a hole in my existence. (Mr. Roo was a surprise, and the husband has written about him here.)

I’m collecting about 20 eggs a week.  And what beauties they are! both inside and out. In various shades of tan and brown, they look like all-natural Easter eggs, and the yolks are deep orange. In fact, all my baked goods have taken on a rich golden hue because of the dark color of the yolks. I hope to someday squeeze a couple of cookbooks into my writing schedule, and one of them will most certainly be an egg cookbook. In the meantime,  The Breakfast Book  by Marion Cunningham is one of the best egg/breakfast/brunch resources ever.  Not to mention she’s my kitchen idol. (Yup. Sorry Julia.)

When I get camera savvy, I will post a picture of my eggs, and one of my chickies taking a community dirt bath.  (They scratch hollows in soft dirt, then waller and squirm down and throw dirt with their beaks onto their backs and each other. Who knew?)

Some egg recipes for now:

Butter Crumb Eggs

(adapted from Ms. Cunningham’s book):

You’ll need:

• Eggs
• flour
• milk
• dry bread crumbs
• oil/butter
• gravy (optional)
• jam (optional)

Poach two eggs for every person, according to their preference. Pat dry, gently!, with paper towels. In a fry pan, over medium heat, heat a few tablespoons of butter or oil (butter combined with olive oil won’t brown as badly as plain butter). Roll the poached eggs in 1) flour     then 2)  egg/milk batter     then 3) dry bread crumbs.  Fry until golden, turning once. I serve these with ham and gravy or jam.  They are sinfully, sinfully scrumptious.

Best Scrambled Eggs (Or, “Stovetop Custard”):

You’ll need:

• Eggs
• Heavy Cream
• Butter
• Sea Salt
• Nutmeg
• Pepper Grinder
• Parsley (optional)

In a bowl, whisk together 6 eggs and 1/2 c. heavy cream. Melt 1 T. butter over medium heat in a small sauce pan (yes, a sauce pan). Add eggs; sprinkle with 1/2 t. sea salt and 1/4 t. nutmeg. Let sit for about a minute, then gently scrape the bottom with a spatula, folding the eggs over. Continue cooking and folding until almost done but still wet on top. (Do not let the sauce pan get too hot!) Remove from heat, gently stir in 1 T. cream. Turn into a warm bowl, and top with a grind of pepper and parsley (optional).

Possible fold-ins (just before removing from heat): grated cheddar, green chiles, chopped tomatoes, green onions, crushed tortilla chips–(all of these together make great migas!) or chopped fresh herbs.

Eggs truly are one of the wonders of nature. How can a hen produce five–five!–a week?  And with no complaining, to boot!  How do the shells form inside their little tummies  that hard, that fast?

Come spring, I’m going to hijack two eggs and let them hatch.  Cockadoodledoo, I love you. : ) 

Excelsior.

Mini-Road Trip

Just a quickie post on how much I like quickie trips. Heading to Ft. Worth for an overnight stay. But we will cram in all my favorites: a bakery (this one is bavarian–fun!), an antiques mall, a Cheap Eats destination for lunch (Kincaid’s–anyone been there?), and wining and dining at Reata tonight.  A great way to gear up for training next week for a part-time online job, and revisions for an agent (post coming soon on that).

This year’s looking great so far!

Chicken-fried Takes

I wonder how many Americans have ever had old-fashioned pan-fried chicken? When called upon to fry something, most restaurants these days deep-fry. Occasionally some of the more ambitious diners will pan-fry a chicken-fried-steak, but dropping breaded items into a deep-fryer is just so much easier and faster.

But not better. Here’s my take on pan-fried chicken, from one of my “crookbooks.” It’s the intro of a finished but unnamed novel, about a stripper who works at a soup kitchen for the homeless:

Menu: Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, cream gravy, corn, green beans, rolls, blueberry donuts (instead of the usual cobbler, because of the goddamn groundbreaking at the church). Important note on chicken, so pay attention here Sunny: commercially-raised chickens don’t have the flavor that farm-raised chickens do (called “free-range” or “organic” thanks to the hippies, most likely). Around here, Freeman’s has the best because it’s kosher. Don’t order chicken from anywhere else. Bob will drop an order by if you give him a two-day head’s up. Associated Food will deliver on half-day notice, but their chicken is saline-injected crap. It looks like it’s on steroids, all plumped up, the same as supermarket chicken. And it’s got so many additives and hormones and it’s been cross-bred so much it tastes like a kitchen sponge, but no one complains because they don’t know the difference. Most people have either never had home-grown, normal-sized, bug-and-grass-eating chicken, or they’re just too damn old and their taste buds are shot. So, back to my point: good chicken comes first. Not the egg. Ha.

Sunny stopped reading and smiled, looking up from the journal to glance across the room at the author. Chuck, unlit Stogie dangling from the left side of her mouth, was busy whisking roux into a giant pot of something―probably cream gravy, since this was Thursday―from which rose a mighty billowing cloud of steam. Sunny found it hard to believe that the gruff, baseball-capped sixty-three-year-old could find the time to record such detailed notes about her cooking. Chuck―Charlotte, to those who didn’t know her―was a perfectionist and a workaholic. Her sailor-esque yet oddly eloquent journal notes, uncharacteristically feminine in an elegant script, had been written at Sunny’s request, and she was grateful. She flipped through the notebook surveying the contents. In two months’ time, Chuck had almost filled the thick spiral with her flowing handwriting.

Sunny continued:

A really good piece of fried chicken should be crunchy, a little salty, slightly greasy, juicy but done in the middle, and―chicken-y. It is, after all, frickin’ fried chicken. This is where pan-frying comes in, Sunny. As tempting as it is to make picture-perfect golden-all-over chicken in the deep fryer, don’t do it! Resist the urge and use the cast iron skillets instead. (It’s a lot harder, I know. Jesus they’re heavy!) The end result is not as pretty. There will be dark places on the chicken pieces where they sit on the bottom of the pan too close to the fire. But the difference in taste is unbelievable. Better than the Colonel’s, as many a homeless misfit has told me. With pan-frying, the chicken cooks in a lot less oil, so the fat and juices from the chicken–where a lot of the flavor is―blend with the oil and are re-absorbed by the chicken, intensifying the flavor. When you deep-fry, those flavors seep out and get lost in the big vat of oil.

Excelsior.

Why I twitter

There’s really only one reason I twitter: words, words, words. I don’t have very many friends. I don’t even know most of the people (entities?) who follow me. But there’s something about getting online and being forced to condense a moment, a feeling, or an action into 140 characters for all your twitterverse to see.  In these publishing times, when writers are usually asked to cut cut cut their words words words, twittering is a great daily exercise in concision.  I don’t take my twittering lightly. Although I tweet daily, my tweets are few and far between. But I like to think they are meaningful, albeit brief prose.

I’m one of those writers who loves words on a page as much if not more than a good storyline. I love the sound of the voice in my head saying the words as I type–and re-type–then revise them. The spacing of properly employed ellipses excites me, and–dare I say it?–I feel a rush of adrenaline when the rare exclamation point leaps out from under my clicking fingers. There!  Like that!

Whew. I better stop. (The news today reported that a 44-year-old man with high blood pressure died watching Avatar. He got too excited.)

I suppose most twitterers (twits) would make the claim that twitter is all about communication.  Although I enjoy watching my twitter-feed, I derive most of my twitter-joy from when another writer, agent, or word-person strings together something especially thought-provoking or witty.  Even though I don’t know them from Adam. I’ve experienced many an LOL moment from twitter. Conversely, I’ve un-followed careless, boring, mistake-prone twitter-hogs. That still makes it all about words, right?  So I’m always tweaking who I follow as if it were a craft.  Reading a good twitter-feed for a few minutes instead of surfing the internet for an interesting read is like drinking a double-espresso instead of a pot of coffee. If it’s the caffeine you’re after, that is.

And speaking of the internet, and words: I resisted starting this blog because there are so so many blogs out there, and I’ve always eschewed doing something just because everyone else is doing it. Sheep mentality, if you will. But some of them are really good. I just read a random blog before I started this post about a woman’s first Christmas without her mother. About how she imagined her own children feeling their first Christmas without her, perhaps thirty years down the road.  About how after the holidays she threw out garbage sacks full of old cards and memorabilia, to save her children from having to do it when she died–or was she depriving them of precious memories?–she asked herself.  This random blog that I stumbled across, this random post that my eyes just happened to light on, made me cry. I rarely even cry at sappy movies. So why did I cry just now?  Words words words that just happened to strike the right chord with me at the right moment.

Sometimes words just get to you.  That’s why I’m a writer, and that’s why I’m on twitter.

(Hello? Anybody out there? If words fall into a forest of unread blog posts, do they have any meaning? Someone please say yes!)

Excelsior.

Comfort Food, Comfort Book

We all have our poor-pitiful-me, I-wanna-feel-better-now foods. Comfort foods. A lot of those involve gravy, or at least a rich steaming sauce of some kind,  smothering  potatoes or noodles or dumplings or biscuits. This is akin to pulling a blanket over your head, I suppose. As much as I would love to write about all my favorite comfort foods here and now, I don’t have all day. Instead, I’m going to tell you about my favorite comfort book.

I keep it on my nightstand, and if I have a bad day, after I get in bed at night I eschew whatever else I’m engrossed in at the moment and reach for my Comfort Book. Not surprisingly, it actually is about food. Food in England by Dorothy Hartley is one of my favorite books of all time, and I have it here with me now. It was first published in 1954; my copy is from 1975.  A hardback, 676 pages, with a rough brown cover, gold-leaf lettering on the spine, and a missing dustjacket, it’s physically a feel-good book as well. (I frequently remove dustjackets off new books anyway. I find them slippery and bothersome. Doesn’t everyone?) My copy was used when I bought it for $2, and with my added abuse, it’s quite worn. It has grease fingerprints on it because, like a companion, it has spent many an afternoon in the kitchen with me.

Enough about the exterior. You can’t judge a book . . .

I was surprised when I saw the publication date, because the contents and Ms. Hartley’s writing style suggest a much earlier time–perhaps turn-of-the-century-ish.  And I confess, I’m a sucker for style. If I fall in love with an author or book, 98% of the time it’s due to the writing style. Food in England isn’t a cookbook. It’s history and processes and tools and regions and ovens and cheeses and milkmaids and songs and nursery rhymes, in no particular order, all written with abandon in a deliciously un-British way.  I would like to praise the editor, because he or she did a fantastic job of letting Ms. Hartley run amok through England, delighting in whatever year or village she landed in as she wrote.  For example, in a section on cheeses, she describes various regional cheeses with lengthy paragraphs about their origin, basic ingredients and unique methods, and how or why it became popular.  But stuck there in the middle of this section of full paragraphs is just one line, all by itself, surrounded with blank space:

Dunlop and cheddar cheeses were very rich in butter.

That’s it. She actually does have a full paragraph on cheddar cheese, but none on dunlop.  It’s just this kind of thing that I find fascinating. Was this an afterthought?  Or did she just not have any information on dunlop cheese?

She’s fond of old English writers, like Piers Plowman and Chaucer, as she frequently quotes them–often causing a reader, I think,  to scratch his head for a moment while pondering the connection between the quote and the subject matter.  

So what is it that I love about this book, specifically, other than the style of writing? The first thing that comes to mind is that, in spite of a lack of main characters, it takes me away, Calgon-style, in the same manner as a good work of fiction.  Sketches of food, utensils, and cooking devices used through the centuries are scattered throughout.  Cheese presses; a picture of a cockatrice; the diagram plan of a “high table,” which shows where the salt was placed (where you sat at the table in relation to the salt indicated your position in life). My favorite is a page of bread shapes.  Who knew that England offers (-ed?) bread baked in more than 25 shapes, all with names?

Anyone who reads this book will quickly banish the stereotype of English food being bland and boring with limited selections.  I could spend the rest of my years experimenting with the historical dishes, preparations, herbs, cheeses, etc. included between the covers of Ms. Hartley’s labor of love and barely make a dent in it. I say “experimenting” because she offers no modern-day recipes.  Food in England is truly written the old-fashioned way, with “two thimblefuls” of salt or a “double handful” of peas as examples of how to measure ingredients.

If you call yourself a serious cook, you should not be without this book.  It’s Julia Child, Mary Poppins, Jeffrey Steingarten, and David McCullough all in one.  Get on Abebooks or Amazon and track down a copy. You can thank me later, after you’ve devoured it some rainy day instead of a batch of warm, comforting chocolate chip cookies.

Excelsior.

To the Garden

I’m totally inadequate when it comes to gardening. But I like it, and I especially love the results of my labor. I’m just not sensible about gardening. I don’t always understand the plants. Yes, I talk to them. Like my chickens, they feel the love in my voice. But when I forget to water the garden, or water it too much, or don’t thin the seedlings because I think that’s some kind of infanticide–well, they get mad and sprout weeds. So I need to take a tough love approach. Starting today, when I plant, I’m going to be sensible–and mean when necessary.

I’m starting with salad stuff: lettuce, spinach, and greens, because my Texas (January) garden chart says so. And onions.  And then some flower seeds, which I’m a bit nervous about because I’ve NEVER had any luck with flower seeds. Only bulbs.  But my biggest  challenge will be to keep the chickens out. “Good luck with that,” the all-knowing Home Depot lady said. My plan of attack is on two fronts: First, I’m assigning that area to Booboo to guard, and second,  I’m also stringing some wire along the top of the fence so they can’t perch there while scaling it.

 I’ll try to keep you posted. But if I forget and you see a recipe here for Chicken Cacciatore for a Crowd  any time in the next few weeks, you’ll know what happened.

Excelsior.

Darn it, I’ve caught a blog.

A first blog post, but third attempt at blogging. I’ve simply decided to combine my new rural-lifestyle blog, my diet blog, and my writer’s blog all in one. I might stir in one or two other themes while I’m at it. Which makes it totally unfocused. So here’s what you can expect to read about on this blog: chickens, French Country decorating, the Texas Hill Country, food (lots of food!), dieting (mostly South Beach) which totally contradicts the food part but not really because I’m not suffering that much except for the no-bread issue, wine, finding an agent (not “trying to find an agent” but the more determined “FINDing an agent”), gardening, and whatever else is going on at the moment. A possible trip here or there, hopefully to Las Vegas this spring.

Husband also blogs. His is much funnier. It’s here:

http://www.dexterklemperer.blogspot.com/

I’ll learn the fancy auto-link stuff later. I probably wouldn’t be blogging because I don’t want it to take away from my writing time, but an agent said writers need to have an internet presence other than Twitter or Facebook. I always do my homework and follow instructions. So here I am.  I hope to post two or three times a week. There are SO many good writing blogs out there, it’s a little daunting. But I am committed. There. It’s printed.

As my dissertation director used to say . . .

 Excelsior.